hatred

they say hate is a strong word.

a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action.

this feeling is strong, fervid as hell itself.

perhaps deep down I love him like I should, but he makes it so incredibly difficult. you may ask "how can you just decide you hate somebody who you are supposed to be so close with?" but do you realise it was never my choice and I've had 20 years to develop this loathing? 20 years of torment, 20 years of humiliation, 20 years of insults, 20 years of abuse, 20 years too many.

yes, there are good days and there are bad days, but the good days are merely bearable and the bad days are pure scream-your-lungs-out, rip-your-hair-out, excrutiating, living hell. does he do it on purpose? is he that bored?

I don't know who I get more angry at. him? or them? it's like they just stand and watch. are they that blind? it's not fair. they must enjoy seeing me as a victim.

My next question which I always wonder.... does he hate me back? surely he must.... mustn't he?