lead me on

I read this today...

"Ah yes, the subject no one never wants to think about. Being led on. Have you ever been led on? Probably. Have you ever led someone on?... probably. Some people live in the pain of being led on for decades. Some people live being led on... for decades. Some people get bitter. Some people get better. Some people never deal with it. Some people never stop dealing with it. Some people lead others on unintentionally. Some... on purpose.

It's likely at some stage or another, you yourself have led someone on. Maybe you didn't know it. Maybe you knew it full well.

It's also likely that you know what it's like to see signs that meant something you thought meant something else.

...How on earth do you deal with it? How do you get better and not bitter? No one wants to stay in that place.

Well I guess you have to deal with it differently if it's been intentional or not. It's hard to actually tell which one is worse. So let's see where we end up.

I guess the most common one is being led on unintentionally, or leading someone on unintentionally. Best described as wrong place at wrong time being interpreted as perfect place in ordained time by the other person. Usually the "leader-on-erer" will show understanding and concern when other people haven't. He'll have a shoulder to cry on. She'll listen to you (that's a big thing for guys). He'll care. She'll smile at you. Add this to a person's insecurities, or lonely mental state... that's usually how it happens.

But he didn't do to rescue you or sweep you off your feet. She didn't do it to get your attention. They were just being friendly. They saw you were hurting and wanted to give you a hand. Maybe you knew that, but because of your pain you just wanted it to be more.

Few things you can do here. First is... get your gear sorted. Like you should any time you feel any attraction for anyone, STOP and ask... hey, what am I actually attracted to here? Is it her, or the idea of not being alone? Is it him, or having someone to cry to? These things are attractive in a person, certainly, but make sure you're attracted to the person for the person.

Second... well, probably before this even, is make sure you have your gear sorted. An uneasy, lonely, confused heart is easily led astray by *anything* resembling affection. You need to have direction, purpose and Completeness before you think about inviting someone else in. In times where your heart is going ahead without you, make sure you have these things before you go running after it.

Third is the C word. COMMUNICATE. You need to communicate. Both parties. If you think you're being led on, you need to pull that person aside and tell them that you feel like you're being led on. One on ones can be dangerous, especially with this issue, but you need to talk about it. Don't do it at their house, or anywhere potentially romantic... might not end well for you. If you really can't do it, email or getting a trustworthy mediator might help.

"But we have such a good friendship, I don't want to endanger it"... This sounds mean, but unfortunately it's too late. Do everything you can to still be friends, but in cases where that may no longer be appropriate, you might need to pull back completely, for the sake of both of you.

Now... the interesting one. What happens when if you're leading someone on... and you know it? Let me put this simply.

People are intrinsically evil.

We are. I am. You are.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking or saying something malicious? Or doing something "righteous" which looks good to everyone else, but you know within yourself what you're really after? We'll do anything to satisfy our own desires.

Outside of that... you need to firstly work out, what are you really after? What are you gaining by keeping her "on the side" or "as an emergency"? Why do you really want him not to move on from you? You need to do this first, or else you'll never be able to then...

Stop it. Stop stringing them on. The looks you know you shouldn't give (girls, you know the look). The compliments and strength you definitely shouldn't provide (guys, you know *exactly* what they are). Cut it off. Set them free. And you need to apologise. It's really not fair. You also should tell your partner about this if you're currently dating someone. That goes for whether you're the person leading on, or the person being led on. Keeping it a secret hurts you, and will definitely hurt them... and your relationship.

It's not a topic we like talking about, or dealing with. But if we want to have the relationships, we need to be free from "plan B" women and "he's really confusing me" men.